He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
