I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
