I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
