They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
