i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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