She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
