Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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