Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
