Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
