.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
