the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
