matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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