She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize