at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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