i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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