I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
