i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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