did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
