Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
