Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
