Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
