What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
