his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Enjoy the penises
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.