how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.