you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family