I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year