it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"