I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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