2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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