The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
