I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
