I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I did not marry a roomba.
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