she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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