You really coming over, don't trick.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
