I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
