Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
