he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
