somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
