i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
