if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
