Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
