Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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