So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize