you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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