Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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