my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize