I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
