wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Come see our sink grown plant.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
