Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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