ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
