I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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