I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
