oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I smell stomach acid.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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