I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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