The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Panties = found
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
