Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
