Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
