We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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