I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
