barbara walters just said penis...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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