he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
