I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
