We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
