me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize