I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
