She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
