She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
