shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
