Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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